what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
