Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
