So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
