hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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