I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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