That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
