haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
