90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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