I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
