Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I will pee on everything he values.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
