okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
