my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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