If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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