the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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