can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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