We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
