I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Found the puke drawer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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