I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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