I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
