dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
