every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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