just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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