I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
