I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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