so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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