I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
