I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
