you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
