Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
