the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
