I wanna passion pit in your ass
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
