she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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