this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
