im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
