You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
