her vagine was all disorganized.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
