i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
