At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
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