i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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