I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
