My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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