He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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