Moan for me like Helen Keller
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
