It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
