I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
