I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
