No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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