LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
