Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
