At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My feet surprised me
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
