Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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