we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
you would pick up someone in the library
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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