I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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