i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
